A colleague uttered the following two statements during a meeting. I can’t recall what the subject was, but I think they could apply in many life situations:
“I can’t imagine anyone saying ‘Bad dog, no biscuit’ to me.”
And then, later:
“Let’s not count our obstacles before we get over the first two.”
I witnessed the following exchange between two semi-executives in a meeting today. They were discussing a communications program at my company, and the exchange began with claims that rumors were flying about the program:
Person 1: “I’m in charge of this program. If there are problems or rumors, why haven’t they been sent to me?”
Person 2: “We’ll send those we hear about, but we can’t send the ones we don’t hear about.”
Person 1: “If you haven’t heard about them, then how do you know that they exist?”
We give points to Person 1 for getting the last word in, but, really, Person 2 wins the argument for recognizing that the unknown rumors will always outnumber the known ones.
Our twins were born yesterday.
Since I was at the hospital until late last night, the three elder children stayed the night at my parents’ house. When they woke up this morning, they got the news that they now have a baby brother and a baby sister.
Our previous baby, now two, immediately proclaimed: “I’m the big brother!”
He then spent much of the morning asking if he indeed looked bigger now.
Our two-year-old son calls himself “Ham” — we’re not sure why — so my wife teased him today and called him Ham Sandwich.
He laughed, thought for a second, and then made up a nickname for her: Salami Mommy.
While discussing the status of our various projects this week, our manager actually uttered these words while telling a colleague to delay effort on a particular project:
“Go ahead and hold off on that.”
My late grandfather owned a restaurant for much of his life. After he retired, he was amused (or annoyed, I’m not sure which) by the whole concept of eating outside on one’s patio.
To him, you ate inside and performed various excretory functions outside. (When he grew up, the house lacked indoor plumbing; he had to use the outhouse in the back yard.) He couldn’t understand why members of post-modern society prefer to eat outside and excrete inside.
First day of school today. First, we took our eldest to her second-grade classroom, where she gushed over the fact that she now, for the first time, has her own desk.
Then, in the afternoon, we took our 5-year-old to afternoon kindergarten. This being her first day of formal schooling, we lingered in the classroom to make sure she wasn’t feeling any separation anxiety (like our eldest daughter did for the first few days when she started kindergarten).
However, as soon as she entered the classroom, she found her seat, started to color, and, as we asked her if she was OK, she dismissed us with a wave of her hand, declaring, “You can go now.”
More evidence that it’s tough being the eldest child, and easier for those that follow. (Or else our 5-year-old is remarkably well-adjusted.)
I was once elbowed in the face during a basketball game. Stunned for a moment, I turned to run down court when a sheet of blood shot down my face. I had to get 13 stitches and had a big scar running down my forehead.
I was working on an elite project at the time, and the next day at work the consultants fed the project team lots of new information.
When they asked for feedback, one of my colleagues said: “Hey, that’s complicated. Look at (me). His face exploded from trying to absorb all that stuff.”
On a hot summer day when I was a kid, my grandmother would peel cucumbers (for dinner) and stick the peel on our foreheads.
It actually did feel quite cool!
But I bet we were the stupidest looking family in the neighborhood.
I caught my five-year-old daughter emptying a watering can on the cat. When I scolded her, and asked her why she would do such a cruel thing, she started crying and said, “I don’t know why I did it. My brain told me to.”
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whim emerges 