Self-portrait

After dinner tonight, I overheard the following conversation between my two sons:

8-year-old: What are you doing in art class?

11-year-old: I’m drawing a self-portrait.

8-year-old: A self-portrait of who?

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Pants

I have five children, and they mostly look alike — except for my 8-year-old son, who has slightly different features and a more husky body composition.  He has a twin sister, so we consider him the bonus baby.

One day, I happened to watch him getting dressed for school.  To put on his pants, he laid down on the floor and pushed his legs through the pants simultaneously.

This proves he is special.  Unlike most men, he DOES NOT put his pants on one leg at a time.

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A metal medal

My 8-year-old son completed his first soccer season, and received — along with all the rest of his teammates — a generic medal attached to a ribbon, to wear around his neck.

He showed it to his parents with pride, telling us, excitedly:

“I got a medal!  And it’s made of metal!”

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Interruption

We prefer to eat dinner as a family, all seven of us sitting around the dining room table and talking about our day.

Unfortunately, with so many mouths, it’s often difficult to find an opportunity to speak.

Once, when my 13-year-old daughter was speaking, someone else began speaking over her.  Frustrated, she said:

“I’m sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours.”

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Opposites

I was drilling my 5-year-old son last night, teaching him opposites in preparation for kindergarten later this year.

Me: On.

Him: OFF!

Me: Quiet.

Him: LOUD!

Me (just to confuse): Sam.

Sam is his brother’s name. He thought for a few seconds, then replied…

Him: NOT SAM!

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Whoa

My five-year-old son asked his mother: “How do you spell ‘whoa?'” (Or did he mean “woe?”)

His mother explains: “Well, there are two ways to spell it, depending on its use. Can you use it in a sentence?”

My son thinks for a few seconds.

Then he replies: “Whoa.”

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Letter to Santa

My ten-year-old daughter wrote the following note to Santa last night, and left it next to a glass of milk and a plate of cookies.

Dear Santa,

I was wondering if you knew where my little packet of gold dust that my mom found in the chimney at our old house. I couldn’t find it tonight and I really like it.

I was also wondering if I was on the good list.

Please write back.

See you next year! (Even though I can’t ever see you!)

Love,

Emma

She then drew three faces: someone named Pedro (with a sombrero), Santa, and a “random smiley face.”

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Still a twin

My 4-year-old twin son was watching golf with his grandfather when he ran to tell me something.

“Dad, can you buy us a little golf set? Can you get one for me, and then a littler one for Charlotte [his twin sister]?”

“Why does she need a littler one?” I asked him.

“I’m a big kid now,” he explained, “but Charlotte’s still a twin.”

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Sharing the love

Our 4-year-old twin son awoke the morning and walked into our room, declaring that he had a long sleep. “I went to bed, woke up, and it was day,” he told us.

So, my wife and I proceeded to grab him, place him between us in our bed, and shower him with hugs and kisses. He smiled and laughed.

Then, suddenly, he stopped. His expression became serious. He rose and told us: “I’m going to go get [my twin sister]. She would love this.”

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Diet

While on vacation at the beach, we were all in our skin-exposing bathing suits after a big lunch and noticed that our bellies were larger than normal.

Our 3-year-old son had a particularly large belly, and we all laughed at him.

Annoyed, he shouted: “Quit giving me food!”

 

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